My Little Angels

I am a simpleton, plain and simple. I would rather say it now and be done with it, moreover you would have found out on your own and I wanted to save you the time and energy. I finally am going to do something right for the first time in my life. It was Jimmy that made me do it but it wasn’t its fault either because it was just passing on a message from the higher power. Jimmy is my pet dog, my only friend and it has helped me find a way to my salvation. I live alone, forever damned to a life of solitude. Until a couple of years ago I lived with my mummy, she is gone now, so I have only my kids at the nursery where I work and animals for companionship because they seem to be the only ones who are oblivious to my condition. I am 32 years old, I work in a daycare, and I don’t have friends, will never get married, will probably never have kids and am treated with the kind of patience given to a 5 year old in my community because I am retarded. And my life would have continued that way if the higher powers hadn’t spoken to me.

    

  I was rushing to go to work because I was running late and while I was bustling around trying to boil water on my electric kettle and at the same time do something else Jimmy was also running around and in between my legs also caught up in my excitement,  I kept on cautioning the damn dog to no avail, I even threatened not to feed it and that also fell on deaf ears, while my tirade with Jimmy continued my water got boiled, so I tried to switch off without looking because I was still have a heated conversation with Jimmy, I shouting obscenities at it while Jimmy was barking obscenities in return, it all seemed like a game to the dog. That was when the electric kettle shocked me and I stumbled, and guess who was in my path to assist my tumble? Anyway I fell and hit my head on the kitchen table and my lights went out for about 5 minutes, minutes that felt like hours because I was transported elsewhere that had a lot of blinding light and I had a chat with an ethereal Jimmy who told me or kind of ordered me on what must be done. When I came to,  the earthly Jimmy was licking my face in concern, I got up gently patted Jimmy in the head and told it I understood perfectly and thy will would be done. I went straight to my dead papa’s room and went to his drawer that I hadn’t opened since he died 7 years ago and brought it out, it felt hard, cold and reassuring, it then hit me that all these had been ordained because I couldn’t understand why I hadn’t done away with it what was now in my hands, especially since have been meaning to dispose of it all these years because I hated and despised it, I couldn’t stand the sight of it and it scared the shit out of me. I dressed in preparation for work and fed the dog while I was at it, after I finished I locked up and was on my way to work when I remembered Jimmy, there was no way I was going without my Jimmy coming along so I went back in and called for jimmy.

   I got to work about 45 minutes late partly because of the heavy bag I carried, quickly signed in and headed to my nursery. The daycare has about 6 workers including I and we each take care of 8 wards [kids] each. When I got in to my nursery my little angels were playing, when they saw me they all stopped and rushed towards me circling and greeting me in that sing song manner only little kids know how to do. Mark asked why I was late, Ruth and the others echoed the same question while Jude ever the curious one asked what I had in the big bag I carried over my shoulder? I explained to them that I was late because I had a little accident at home and they all told me sorry, then Jude asked me again what I had in the bag and I told them it was a surprise for later. I shared crayons and papers for them and told them to start coloring, while they were busy coloring I went behind my table, sat down watching them with so much joy and pride, looking at them with satisfaction at the progress they have made at such a short time and I congratulated myself. I also looked around the nursery I decorated my self with pride that my heart was almost bursting, then my eyes fell on the plaques on the wall showing  my awards as the ‘Children’s Teacher’ of the year four years running and I almost choked on my tears. After about 40 minutes of the kids crayoning and of me reminiscing I called them to a halt and told them it was storytelling time so I locked the door to the nursery to avoid disturbance, carried my bag to the middle of the room opened and told the kids to gather around, they gathered around with their eyes wide open with confusion and wonderment at the content of the bag, then I told them a story about love and the sacrifices made because of love. After the story ended I brought out my dads .22 and shot all of them in the head, by the time I was through there were already load knocks on my nursery door, other nursery teachers yelling my name and asking if everything was fine, but I didn’t bother, I just continued with what I had to do, after arranging the kids into a circle around me and the contents of my bag I sat down in the middle crying and caressing all of them then I dipped my finger in to their blood and scribbled on the floor with shaky hands before I put the gun into my mouth and pulled the trigger.      

          May you always have an angel by your side.
Watching out for you in all the things you do.
Reminding you to keep believing in brighter days.
Finding ways for your wishes and dreams to take you to beautiful places

Giving you hope that is as certain as the sun.
Giving you the strength of serenity as your guide.
May you always have love and comfort and courage.
And may you always have an angel by your side

May you always have an angel by your side.
Someone there to catch you if you fall.
Encouraging your dreams.
Inspiring your happiness.
Holding your hand and helping you through it all

In all of our days, our lives are always changing.
Tears come along as well as smiles.
Along the roads you travel, may the miles be a thousand times more lovely than lonely.
May they give you the kind of gifts that never, ever end.

Someone wonderful to love and a dear friend in whom you can confide.
May you have rainbows after every storm.
May you have hopes to keep you warm.
And may you always have an angel by your side

       

In Between The Lines

                                                      

      You are out of Season and Haemlet isn’t the Reason, what you did to us is Treason that’s why you are in a psychological Prison! Ur bogus, a phony, a fake, and you aren’t who you are depicting to be. You are just like that fool who cried wolf, you are scared of your own shadows and you try so hard not to walk in other people’s shadow that you end up being their shadow. Your fears for yours faithfully are baseless and misplaced, you are seriously confounded. Get a real life prick. You are a randy Wuss that’s got a small dick, you mew better than a Puss but lack their fighting spirit, you are like a cat without claws, you are Garfield, always on his back, when you aren’t you are lusting after lasagna the only way you know how you do it and making secret alliances with your naturally sworn enemies. It is said that a cat on its back is a dead one and you are always on yours so I guess this cat is history. You are so full of shit, you don’t deserve to be compared or classified under the feline, you ain’t got dignity enough because you stink like a skunk and you are dirtier than a rat that even Jerry would scorn you in shame and wouldn’t dare call you cousin. Dude you are a lost cause because you got it on the double, even therapy won’t help, you are physically and psychological in shambles, no shrink could shrink your issues into manageable proportions, you’re so finished that even them ladies can smell your corruption a mile away and wouldn’t dare come near you and even when they manage to come near they do it with their nosed covered and with a promise of the paper flow. You should feel privileged to be associated with us and know that how we perceive and see you now were of your own making. Adieu

        You can be likened to the canine so that makes you my Dog, my Dog for life and am yours too. Your transition from a puppy to a Dog was a long time coming and am glad it came now because it was beginning to look like it was never gonna happen. Your more matured now compared to the not to distant past, I want you to keep it that way and let it reflect in all your actions, especially your actions towards those closest to you. It is said that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, true yarns but you have the choice of being that apple or something else, and what also matters is how far you have fallen from the said tree, you really can make that distinction because it’s in you likewise in all Dogs. That object of admiration should never reflect in your actions for if it does you forever walk in its shadows and that would be a damn shame. We made a couple of steps together and it has given me a better understanding of thou and you aren’t even quarter as bad as I presumed you were, you are a just like a smart spoilt kid with an abyss for a vital part of your anatomy. Strike your deals well, try to understand and read people you have dealings with because not all come as a friend. Your brain is your main asset so use it well because in time a man would have to do what a man has to do and trust me there would be no Mama to run to, not because she is no more but because she will wash her hand off you because she knows she has done her part and the rest is up to you. Be Good

      You are the ink that prints at the expenses of other peoples amusement and entertainment, good for you but know this; a good imagination and the proper construction of ideas into words is a weapon that you happen to have in plentiful so use it to the fullest. You have the quickest of minds, you are a bountiful of information and even when our minds are fuzzy and jammed you still try to keep up with my games, I am the lucky one to have met you. Let me make one thing clear to you though, in as much as you hope or perceive to be an ink with different colors and thereby making it hard for anyone to know who or what you are, you are not, sorry to burst your bubbles but you have just one color and you are like an open nursery book written in black ink. Your steps are your weakness because they could lead you to unhealthiest and the unruliest of characters, what the hell am I saying? Aren’t those steps the same that led you to me? So maybe am a little unhealthy to a point [laughing], just be shrewd in your dealings because your eagerness and passion to succeed at what you love doing best might be your own undoing. And one other thing, eights are not just figures subject to un-appreciation or objects to just stick it in but rather objects to be respected and subject to compassion, it’s the one singular thing that bothers me about you, the idea that you might be a chauvinist pig. I know you will keep it real out there because you are one of the realest dudes I have ever met and know that I go your back whenever, however and whatever. Stay Real

 

     You remind me of young lads in boy scouts and summer school camps where two boys hit it up, share game cards and moves, talk of their latest crushes and share an apple together, only that we are men lady scouting, swapping ideas and escapades over a bottle of whatever and making purple our common denominator. It was just yesterday but it already feels like a decade spent gallivanting in that maze, don’t worry we will all get there. Your lackadaisical approach to some of the important things in your life was almost your undoing in the past and it still might rear its ugly head in the future so watch it. The ability to preserve and nurture the smallest of things now goes a along way to show your approach to the larger things in your life in the future, please cultivate that habit now because you are seriously lacking in that department and it isn’t to late either. Your immediate environment and person are your responsibility and yours alone please uphold it because it will get to a time where the measurement of a man would be based on it. Your calm and un-oppressive personality is your asset because unlike me you are loved wherever you go and by whoever you meet because your personality says “come to me for I can be trusted”, and because of that you are never seen as a competition or an enemy but as an ally, so that might just be your greatest weapon yet, use it well because it was given to you for a reason. Work on your quick lack of interest on that certain subject especially when you have been there and unraveled it, because you lose interest and zeal after you have figured it out. Word of advice nothing can be completely unraveled especially in so short a time it takes for you to lose interest, there is always something to find or worth exploring, just look hard, in fact a passion for the subject should even arise after you have been there and seen it all, please work on it because it doesn’t hurt to try. All in all you will survive. Peace

    So close we are but so apart we also are in so many ways that sometimes its like a mile that separates us, I think we are a perfect example of opposite poles attract, them outside observers see so many similarities that they think we are so alike, but we both know better, don’t we? Why they have reached that conclusion is these; we have had enough time be patient and have an understanding of each other that it has given us a near perfect knowledge of our this and that’s, so we know how to dance around each others feet without stepping on our toes, though I like to step on yours on purpose sometimes because there would be no fun without a little drama. You are an obstinate donkey, even when the truth is staring you in the face you wouldn’t bulge, so I have learnt to leave you at those said times and watch you blunder around till you get burnt, then you come back and agree that I or whoever was talking to you was right. Word of advice; it is good sometimes to learn and experience the hard way but wiser to learn from others mistakes because it would leave you with less scars, other people scars should be your constant reminder of what awaits you if you take similar steps. You propose while him up there disposes so don’t make outrageous plans like you have a direct line to him and he tells you how it would be, it’s a big mistake because you are held on to your words and it puts you in a bind, a commitment and that’s a big dilemma for you because you perceive yourself as a man of honor. Life should be taken one step at a time, its good to make plans in fact its very necessary to make one but make it knowing fully well that anything can happen and have several back-ups for unseen contingencies, you don’t have to be a Michael Scofield to manage that, all you need is good projection. Never take everything you are told at face value because even those we completely trust are susceptible to lies, always have this belief that human nature is flawed so anything crooked is within the realm of our possibility. Learn to let bygones be bygones because holding a grudge do not speaketh so well of a man, if you spend most of your whole life angry then you have lived for nothing. And finally, a determined man is a successful man too. You are a strong shoulder to rely on because you have got your hommies back anytime. You are honor bound and that’s a rare quality nowadays, you have a deep respect for them lady folks and that’s also noble but respect got to have boundaries. To cut it short, you are a Man’s Man. Safe

     

     And finally! Am gonna talk about the inferno. I wouldn’t be doing myself justice if I didn’t say something about you in passing. Guy you light up your way and those of others around you, its good! You have shrewd and cunning mind, you know it and I know it too, in fact I almost always know your desired expectation for any action you take because your help which are good and almost philanthropic always has a catch to it. What makes a cunning man successful is if he can successfully hide the fact that he is cunning, and when that fails he should make sure that his moves cannot be foreseen by others. You are good but try to get better. Blaze on! Holla

Hell Hath No Fury

   As life seeped out of me through the mortal injuries inflicted on me by her I began to cry because it was obvious that she was going to have the last laugh, she looked back at me crying herself and gave me an evil smile of triumph then she open her bag and got out her flask of whiskey she always carries around to steady her nerves whenever she was anxious or excited and took a swig from it. Those where my last vision before I died, but they were the sweetest because I died smiling, happy that all was not in vain and that I got the last laugh after all, then I went down into the deepest recess of my memory to recall the devious and greedy steps that led to my demise.

       
      Am African and proud of it, am educated with a degree in pharmacology, am from a respectable and average family, we weren’t rich but we were far from lacking. My dissatisfaction with what has been provided for me by my parents and need for the finer things in life led me into what we call “Internet Scam” today, I was specifically into impersonation on dating sites, I preyed on the unsuspecting lonely middle aged white women hoping to find love and it paid me dividend while it lasted. But I wouldn’t want to bore you with details so I will go straight to the crux of my story.

     
  Her name is Hailey, she is 39 years of age, she is a Canadian who resides in the United States and a very talented painter who is single and eager to mingle. She is looking to meet the man of her dreams, so I set about the task of convincing her that I was her Mr. Right. We started a correspondence and things went on smoothly till she eventually fell hopelessly in love with me and wanted us to tie the knots immediately after I graduated from university. I eventually finished school and she wanted to come over for my graduation and then get married, because it would be easier for her to obtain a visa for me if she presented me as her husband to the embassy. But the problem was this; she thinks am Romanian, 30 years of age, white and that I reside in London. Faced with this kind of dilemma, I resolved to tell her the truth about myself and hope she forgives me because I desperately wanted to go over to the united state where I would eventually dump her because I wasn’t ready to honor our nuptial vows. I told her about my deception and as expected she was hurt, angry and felt betrayed, I begged her and told her that my identity was a lie but my feelings for her weren’t. She eventually forgave me after much pleading and cajoling and made me promise never to lie to her again, then we got married and we moved back to the united state as man and wife.

       
        When we got to the united state the first thing she did was to hide my passport and visa saying that she took it for safe-keep. I hadn’t stayed for more than a month when I realized that I was married to a loony, she would fall into a long period of depression, and she was paranoid about me leaving her because she claimed that all the men in her life had deserted her at one point in time or the other including her father, considering the little I had seen about her I couldn’t blame her father and those men for taking flight. She sometimes goes into a psychotic rage for no apparent reason and she was delusional. Her condition made her suspicious of my every move, I couldn’t make any call without her eavesdropping, and I couldn’t look at another woman no matter how innocent my intentions were, in fact she once slapped me for looking at a woman that passed us by, I was always in constant threat from her because she always warned me that if I ever left her or tried to she would cut off my testicles and feed them to the dogs.

  

     I was living with a woman with an extreme case of Bi-polar disorder and she was taking drugs for it, drugs like a mood stabilizer Symbax a pill that combines Olanzapine with an anti depressant called Flouxetine and an anti psychotic called Risperidone among others to control her disorder, she was supposed to be on a severe medical cocktail but refused to take it regularly because she claims “it removes the buzz from her”, whatever that meant beats the crap out of me and I didn’t bother asking. To make matters worse she was a pathological drunk who carried on her a flask of whiskey at all times, I once confronted her on the drinking issue and she went into a rage, telling me it was none of my business but if I wanted to know she would tell me, then she said they were for calming her nerve whenever she was anxious and excited, just like her present state of mind and she took a swig from the flask to emphasis her point. At this point my life was a living hell, arguments every hour, fights every day, fights that were always bloody and I was mostly at the receiving end of the battering because she was very strong, she made me see the truth behind the statement about lunatics having in-human strength. It got to a point that after 8 months of the same shit I willingly submitted myself to immigrations for deportation just to escape her. But as the devil will have it that didn’t work either because after I submitted myself to them they checked my records for anything that was remotely phony or funny, and that was when they found out I was married. When I was approached with the marriage issue I broke down and started crying, begging them to let me go back to my country and that I was willing to do anything for my freedom, They refused and called my wife. It was that day I realized Hailey was in the wrong profession, she should have been an actress because she walked into the office crying and begging not to leave her, that she loves me, we can walk things out, that more-ever I can’t leave her now, and that was when she dropped the bombshell, I am carrying your baby! That she had missed her period for the last two months and only just confirmation today from her gynecologist. That was the last straw because I was immediately bundled back home and you cant imagine what I went through with Hailey, the memory of what happened to me  after I was brought back home was so painful, traumatic and shameful that I have completely deleted it from my mind.

        

          In the subsequent months Hailey became worse, she was always snapping, barking, nagging and blaming me for she getting pregnant, that’s she was a fool for even keeping it because the child would never turn out right because it’s father was a ‘wuss’ and a ‘puss’. It was a relief when she eventually put to bed and brought to this world a beautiful baby girl that looked like her mum but had my eyes, she was so adorable. Hailey transformed after her child birth, she became less of a bitch and became more of a human, it was so shocking to know that the monster had any capacity for motherly love. She stopped bitching around, spent more time at home, even reduced on the alcohol and started taking her medication, became less nosy over my matters and even allowed me get a job at a supermarket, And it was at my new job I fell in love, I mean true love.

    
      Her name is Tiffany and she is African American, she works with me in the supermarket and it was a case of love at first sight, our attraction was instantaneous. Over the weeks it grew and blossomed into something else that went out of control, I was beginning to spending time at her place after work, I was sharing her bed, we were always going out on dates and we talked about each others issues. I told her about my dreams and aspirations, told her about my personal hell called marriage, about the demon controlling my hell called my wife and about the lovely angel that is my daughter. And she told me about her growing up, her pains, betrayals, friends and her dreams. It was a perfect match from heaven and we were both content at the moment with what we had from each other until we were ready to take that bold step, but as life would have it Tiff got pregnant.

   
   In between all this Hailey began to get suspicious because according to her I was becoming unnecessarily too happy, I was always going to work early and coming back late and that I was adding weight. When she mentioned all that, I almost panicked because she was looking at me in the eyes like she knew something but I calmed down and tried to allay her fear by telling her that I was just enjoying my work and my new found freedom that was all, and that my weight could be attributed to satisfaction with my life at present, peace of mind and good food, and the matter died there or so I thought because when i look back now, she left the matter to quickly for comfort and that should have been my first indication that all was not well. So when Tiff told me she was pregnant I was stuck between to distinctive feelings, extreme joy and abject terror, joy over having a child with the woman I love and terror because of my fear for my life. After weighing all options, I reached these conclusions; I was in love with Tiff, I want to spend the rest of my life with her and her vice-versa, but with Hailey alive that was impossible, so the best way to go about it was to get rid of Hailey after all the bitch had it a long time coming and I was doing the world a huge favor. So this is what I did; I told Tiff we were keeping the baby, I was going to move in with her and we would get married but right after I have had a chat with Hailey, then I went out and got Cyanide sneaked back home when I was sure Hailey and the baby were napping and poisoned her whiskey flask then whipped it clean incase the police suspects any foul play because I intended to make it look like suicide, then I went back to work. The plan was to come back home in the evening, break the news to her from a distance thereby getting her upset enough to want to take a swig from the flask, I was banking on her getting so upset that she wouldn’t notice the Almond smell associated with Cyanide poisoning when she would be drinking and I was going to make sure I leave immediately so that I wouldn’t be anywhere near the crime scene.

      
   When I got back home later and broke the news to her she just looked at me mute like she had lost the will for a good fight, the only indication that she was upset were her shaking hands when I told her I was leaving immediately. She didn’t fight, she didn’t utter a word, the only thing she did was to just shed tears quietly and told me to leave our home immediately before she lost it completely. I was so happy to have had it so easy that I didn’t stop to wonder why she didn’t put up a fight, because if I did I would have realized that Hailey was shedding tears in mourning over me and not because of my betrayal, if I wasn’t so stupidly happy I would have remembered that I have never heard nor seen Hailey cry, not even when she under went a difficult labor during child birth, my dull mind didn’t think of it at all, all I was thinking about was of Tiff, our baby and our life together which I didn’t know was going to be very very brief. On my way back to Tiff’s I stopped at a mall and picked up a bottle of wine and a six pack then I ordered for pizza for I was euphoric about my freedom and I felt we needed to celebrate. I got back to Tiffany place and told her how everything went down then I popped the wine and we toasted to our new life, we wined and dined till we were drunk, then we made passionate love right there on the couch and then later in the room.

  

     I woke up in the morning with a big head ache and the morning sun was blinding so I kept my eyes shut and stretched my hand towards Tiff, she didn’t wake up so I assumed she was sleeping off a hang over then while I was withdrawing my hands I felt something wet on the mattress so I turned and opened my eyes and what I saw would have forever remained etched in my memory if I had lived. The love of my life was looking back at me with sightless eyes, she had been stabbed several times in her sleep and I was right beside her all along, immediately I saw her I knew who did it but how did she know? Before I could say anything further Hailey spoke behind me, I wanted the whores dead body to be the first thing you see when you wake up from your miserable and dirty sleep, I want you to hold this guilt in your heart till you die because her blood is on your head, I might have been my hands that dealt the blow but it was you that signed her death warrant. How could you do this to me? How? I allowed you this extra marital affair because you weren’t worthy to share my bed again and I knew all men were animals who need some form of release at one point in time or the other in the form of sex, oh! You are surprised? Of course I knew all along and I let it go, the final insult was for you to get her pregnant and wanting to leave me you insolent bastard, after all I have done for you, after all the love I showed you, so this is how you want to pay me? All these while I hadn’t noticed that she brought the baby along, can you imagine? She brought our baby to witness a murder. I started begging her because I reasoned that it was my only way out of this situation alive, I told her that I still loved her and that all is not lost, we can rebuild our marriage again, that I have realized my mistake and I cant even begin to imagine what I saw in Tiffany in the first place and that she was the only one I truly loved. After pleading for about an hour, she conceded and told me to come and kiss her as proof that I still loved her, so we kissed but I kissed with disgust, shame, fear, anger and pain for the loss of Tiffany, I didn’t think my life would be worth shit now that she was no longer alive. After the kiss Hailey held me and started crying, I was panicked and so I asked her, baby why are you crying? And she answered me, if you really love me why were your eyes open when we kissed? That was the last question that I ever contemplated answering because before I could utter any word in my defense she just started stabbing me in the back, I was shouting, begging and struggling to no avail then she finally dropped me when the baby started crying. She went to the baby cuddling and cooing the baby to sleep by saying ‘Daddy has been a bad boy and has paid the price, so watch and learner because all betrayers most eventually pay the ultimate price and do not worry you do not  need daddy any longer when you have me ’. The baby eventually stopped crying and she dropped him, looked back at me with that triumphant smile plastered on her face and she went with shaky hands for her flask of whiskey in her bag, then she took a full swig smiling and that was when the lights went out of me forever.  

       

Delusions of Grandeur

     Is how you see yourself what matters most? Or other people’s perception of you? Or better, the perfect understanding, acceptation and the eventual coming to terms with what you truly are? Everything about life is an illusion, talk less of the tiny part you and I played in it in our not too distant past. It’s allowed to have illusions as an escape as long as you know it’s not just only an escape but also temporary. At the end of this long text I intend to ask several questions, straight question am so sure you don’t have answers to because you don’t know you have a serious problem that needs addressing even when it is staring at you in the face and even if by the remotest of chances you are seeing it you obviously don’t have the capacity to even identify it, remember the first step to solving a problem is to identify it, accept you have one and others follow. A sure entity would always have a back up plan because life throws a lot of twist that can be very unpredictable, a better reason for a back up plan is if you have read a particular scenario well and have envisioned the likeliest of outcomes.

     At the beginning it was a one way thing with you pushing so hard for equilibrium and I always knew one thing about you, and that was your dissatisfaction over the want for the finer things of life which was well hidden form view because of your problem that was tagged under the label “Low Self Esteem”. You had it in abundance that it was so unhealthy for us and it bothered me a lot, I wondered why a entity who seems to have enough of the finer things would be plagued by that kind of psychological and emotional malady, and I reached my conclusion that it was partly due to greed, your immediate environment and those encompassed in it. So we worked together on it with me guiding and encouraging you as only a teacher would, and with time matters got better, but like I said life will always throw you a twists and my own twist was in the form of your “Low Self Esteem” paving a wide way for a new malady called “Delusion of Grandeur”, how true it is when they say “the devil you know is better than the angel you don’t know”. Your new found belief and confidence in yourself has warranted you to think that you are better than me. That better things are needed in your life because of your new found status that was created by your delusions and I therefore wasn’t good enough for you no longer. But before I continue I must say this; I didn’t make you better, you made yourself what you are today and found your true self with just a little nudging from me, and your decision to try new waters was already envisioned by me all along and I took steps and made preparation against it by carefully finding the right, efficient and experienced ship that would know and understand its limitations then at the same time will know, understand and accept mine too, so I guess I just let things happen to see if I was wrong or I more or less led you on.

            It is funny because you’re like a cat that looks in the mirror and see’s itself as a lion. It’s quite understandable if you want to test new waters, but why try to muddle the one you have been sailing on all these while with little complaints, so that you can say it’s too uncomfortable and dirty as an excuse to jump ships? Even if the waters gave you a stormy and turbulent sail a couple of times it still doesn’t give you the temerity to forget the smooth sailings you had enjoyed under its current, That was the only shocking aspect of your betrayal, you forgetting about them good old days , the accusations and then the innuendos. What you never even knew or probably suspected was that the waters carried you with your best interest at heart even when it was turbulent, and you of all knew that the storm, turbulence and fiery winds you experienced during that time were not its doings but those of mostly nature of which we have no control over, and though i admit i handled and steered you through it wrongly at times, but what did you expect? They say what don’t kill you will only make you stronger, so I am by far stronger now that I have survived it all, thanks on a small part to you though. You can be likened to a moderately built ship with low craftsman ship that has a good but not very efficient engine, and if worked on with care, patience and understanding would cross any ocean, barriers and conquer any adversary. I hope you find that kind of waters with that kind of understanding needed to steer you through.

     Remember a mere cat that has illusions of being a lion would be torn to shred by a real lion, shot down by the higher predator in the wild or worse locked up in a zoo for all its troubles because the illusion you have created has managed to cross beyond the threshold of its own imagination into others and thereby making them see it for what it isn’t, and remember its only “fools that dare thread where angels fear”. The truth is this if you have carried a ship under your current for to long you tend to develop an uncanny ability of reading it accurately by its sway, twists and turns, from the beginning of our first journey I started getting an idea about the likeliest of our eventual outcome. So on a level I start to create slight stumbling blocks to see how the ship fares, it did to well in so many situations, to well that I almost couldn’t fathom why. But in the end I knew one thing; our journey was going to be cut short because you lacked perseverance, depth and insight, but I continued to worship the path it sailed on all the same because with life there is hope. Your excitement and zeal at the inception which can be attributed to your inexperience was because of your lack of ideas and the anticipation of an adventure. I must admit initially your excitement was infectious but I later had to pause and began to perform a reality check and realized the whole aim of the initial partnership was misplaced and our entire voyage was an illusion. I initially made the mistake of believing that you were realistic in your expectations until it became a situation where you who was just an adventurer that only want to see new things and know things decided to become a fisherman and eventually worse, a pirate. First you wanted me to direct you towards where you’re net could catch fishes, but the season was bad all round which was obviously not my doing but that of natures again, and it looked like you understood then but you turned around again and wanted me to direct you towards treasures! For God sake treasures! When we couldn’t even catch any fish to start with and when some professional pirates don’t even find treasure in their entire life time, you wanted me to steer you to treasures within a short time without any certain route to go through or any map to use as guidance. So I guess I will say this; my current wasn’t very strong for you and a need for a stronger current to steer you through to you goal was urgent and that made our eventual disbanding imminent, but remember how I showed you so much patience during your time of uncertainty, when you were blundering around clueless and without a care for who or what you might hurt. It’s all good! Your actions need no explanation because I understand to well, in the world of soccer if a coach is employed for a particular purpose [to win trophies] and he fails to deliver he would eventually get the boot or the hammer, so the same has been applied to my case here.

    Delusions are said to be a false idea or belief of and in one’s self [which in this case is you] or one’s situation [which is yours].  So these are my questions; are you still living in an illusion created by you, me or both of us? Who really created the illusion you are living in? Are you a cat pretending to be a lion? Or you are just a cat that actually thinks and see it’s self as a lion? Or you are a cat dreaming or hoping to be a lion? Or you have always been a lion but think it is a cat that only catches a glimpse of its real self in the mirror occasionally? Or the transformation from a cat to a lion is still in the process or vice versa? What would you rather be, a meek cat or a wild lion? Or you are not and have never been either?  Then what are you? And the final real question: who is the Illusionist here? I or you?

Death!

Science:

   Death according to science is the termination of the biological functions that sustain a living organism. The word refers both to the particular processes of life's cessation as well as to the condition or state of a formerly living body. Problems which commonly bring about death include predation, malnutrition, accidents resulting in terminal injury, and disease. The nature of death has been for millennium a central concern of the world's religious traditions and of philosophical inquiry, and belief in some kind of afterlife or rebirth has been a central aspect of religious belief. In modern scientific inquiry, the origin and nature of consciousness has yet to be fully understood; any such view about the existence or non-existence of consciousness after death therefore remains speculative. The concept of death is a key to human understanding of the phenomenon. There are many scientific approaches to the concept. For example, brain death, as practiced in medical science, defines death as a point in time during which brain activity ceases. One of the challenges in defining death is in distinguishing it from life. As a point in time, death would seem to refer to the moment at which life ends. However, determining when death has occurred requires drawing precise conceptual boundaries between life and death. This is problematic because there is little consensus over how to define life. It is possible to define life in terms of consciousness. When consciousness ceases, a living organism can be said to have died. One of the notable flaws in this approach, however, is that there are many organisms which are alive but probably not conscious for example, single-celled organisms. Another problem with this approach is in defining consciousness, which has many different definitions given by modern scientists, psychologists and philosophers. This general problem of defining death applies to the particular challenge of defining death in the context of medicine.

             

Christianity:

   “He suffered and was buried, Then He rose again” After the Cross, after the descent into death there is the Resurrection from the dead — that principal, fundamental and decisive confirmation of the Symbol of Faith, a confirmation from the very heart of Christianity. Indeed “if Christ is not raised, then your faith is in vain.” These are the words of the Apostle Paul, and they remain fundamental for Christianity to this day. Christianity is a belief, first of all and above all, in the fact that Christ did not remain in the grave, that life shone forth from death and that in Christ’s Resurrection from the dead, the absolute, all-encompassing law of dying and death, which tolerated no exceptions, was somehow blown apart and overcome from within. So in other words you die and go to hell or heaven depending on what way your beliefs swung when you were alive. The concept of Life after Death in Christianity is very clear. When we die, our soul separates from the body and ascends into heaven while our body returns to the dust. One can determine their life after death according to the life one has spent on earth. Life after death is directly linked to our life on planet Earth.

    The moment we are born, God has a purpose for us. If a person has found out the purpose of his life and led his life according to it, he then receives eternal life. If that human being has spent a good and God Fearing life in this world, God accepts his soul and sends him to Paradise, while a person who has spent a life full of wrong doings and has rejected God’s purpose for him, his soul is rejected by God and is thrown into Hell. Our religious leaders have always taught us that this world is a temporary home for us. God wants us to lead this temporary life in doing good to others, and fulfilling God’s purpose, and then only would you gain everlasting blessings in Heaven.

Islam:

    For the Muslim, the whole of this life constitutes a trial and a test for the human by means of which his final destiny is determined. For him, death is the return of the soul to its Creator, God, and the inevitability of death and the Hereafter is never far from his consciousness. This serves to keep all of his life and deeds in perspective as he tries to live in preparedness for what is to come. For Muslims, the concept of death and the

Afterlife in Islam is derived from the Quran the final reveled message from God. We learn that death is exactly like sleeping; complete with dreams. The period between death and resurrection passes like one night of sleep. At the moment of death, everyone knows his or her destiny; Heaven or Hell. For the disbelievers, death is a horrible event; the angels beat them on the faces and rear ends as they snatch away their souls. Consistently, the Quran talks about two deaths; the first death took place when we failed to make a

stand with God's absolute authority. That first death lasted until we were born into this world. The second death terminates our life in this world. The Holy Quran, contains various death themes that add significantly to our insight into the meaning of death, the concept is left undefined and always portrayed in close relationship with the concepts of life, creation, and resurrection. The Quran seems to be more concerned to determine the nature of death. Allah says in the Quran: “Everyone shall taste death. And only on the day of resurrection shall you be paid your wages in full. And whoever is removed away from the fire and admitted to paradise, this person is indeed successful. 

Hinduism:

   Our soul never dies; only the physical body dies. We neither fear death nor look forward to it, but revere it as a most exalted experience. Life, death and the afterlife are part of our path to perfect oneness with God. For Hindus, death is nobly referred to as  'the great journey'. When the lessons of this life have been learned and karma's reach a point of intensity, the soul leaves the physical body, which then returns its elements to the earth. The awareness, will, memory and intelligence which we think of ourselves continue to exist in the soul body. Death is a most natural experience, not to be feared. It is a quick transition from the physical  world to the astral world. There is no external hell, nor is there a Satan. However, there are hellish states of mind and woeful births for those who think and act wrongfully--temporary tormenting conditions that lift the fiery forces within. Hinduism does not believe in an eternal hell. However, hellish states of mind and woeful births do exist temporarily for those who think and act wrongfully. They consist of fear, hate, jealousy, bigotry and anger, and are brought about by one's own thoughts, actions and deeds. But they are not eternal and can be changed by positive karma.  Satan does not exist nor does he tempt mankind                                             

Buddhism:

  To Buddhism, however, death is not the end of life, it is merely the end of the body we inhabit in this life, but our spirit will still remain and seek out through the need of attachment, attachment to a new body and new life. Where they will be born is a result of the past and the accumulation of positive and negative action, and the resultant karma (cause and effect) is a result of ones past actions.

   This would lead to the person to be reborn in one of 6 realms which are; heaven, human beings, Asura, hungry ghost, animal and hell. Realms, according to the severity of ones karmic actions, Buddhists believe however, none of these places are permanent and one does not remain in any place indefinitely. So we can say that in Buddhism, life does not end, merely goes on in other forms that are the result of accumulated karma. Buddhism is a belief that emphasizes the impermanence of lives, including all those beyond the present life. So do not fear death because it leads to re-birth.                                                  

   Different religions with their respective similar views that go a long way to prove all religion are just a variation of the others. These are my views concerning death; first and foremost, when Death comes for me i would be sure to give it the middle finger before it claims me, People fear what they don't understand and hate what they cant conquer but i don't fear death because i don't want to understand it and i don't  hate it  because i don't want to conquer it either, moreover  fear is a weakness death preys on and the moment it begins to smell your fear it would  start to stalk you, that is why i live my life as it comes and live to the fullest, i have accepted that one day i will pass on and i have come to terms with that. Life is a cycle that has to be balanced and that's where life and death comes in! About re-incarnation i will keep an open mind but i don't believe in the afterlife, we are all dust and would return to dust when we eventually die. I believe we dictate the pace of our life irrespective of the fact that life tends to throw a couple of obstacles your way. Accidents happen, so be prepared. As humans we don't need the fear of God to force us to do well, we as humans have the ability to differentiate between what is bad and what is good. Death is black and it takes what it wants when it is ready, there is no escaping it when your time is up. i intend to live till am probably 75 or 80 because i wouldn't want to be a liability to my children, i will rather have them cry in loss when i die than for them to cry in relief . I would like to die in my sleep peacefully but that might be asking for too much though because how you die eventually doesn't matter but how long and well you have lived. Till something or someone gives me facts that prove otherwise i stick to my own school of thoughts and continue to live my life based on that belief.